Goldfish, turtles, hamsters, mice, cats, or dogs represent in their hearts, our children, a playmate, or a confidant. When the animal disappears, it is for them a real tear. In their psyche, they do not lose a pet, but a family member or friend. Depending on the age of the child, the durability of this disappearance is not obvious either. Helping your child to grieve the loss of the animal involves adapting our speech to what he can understand or not yet, the cycle of life. The first difficulty we often encounter when the ball of hair or scale that brightened our family's life dies is to tell our child and then to help him overcome this grief and this immense emptiness that invades him.
The announcement of the death
When the animal disappears, whether it's Jojo the goldfish, Nala the miniature tigress, or even Reiki, the beautiful doggie, no need to hide the truth from your child. Even if we wanted to protect our little ones from the pangs of life, we would not be doing them any favors. To grieve for a pet is to begin to understand and accept the cycle of life. It also prepares them for the future loss of their grandparents or anyone else who matters to them. Announcing the death of the animal in simple and unambiguous words remains necessary to prepare it and help it grieve. Of course, it is useless to specify the sordid details that could frighten and traumatize your child. Some expressions, especially if your toddler is young, are to be avoided, because he will think that his pet will return. Forget the "He fell asleep forever" that could cause him to fear falling asleep and not waking up. Do not say "He is gone" either, because inevitably, every hour, and for several days your child will ask you about the "When will he come back?". In addition, the child may feel guilty by believing that the animal does not return because he took care of it poorly.
Announce and explain when the animal died naturally
Whatever the circumstances of the death, choose a time when your child is available for this announcement. Avoid telling him when he is playing or occupied. Prefer a quiet moment when he will be attentive. Choosing the right moment is never easy, and it's also a difficult time for us when the hairball we've shared so much with disappears, but, don't rush things. Gently announce that his four-legged or scaled companion has died. Take the opportunity to simply introduce him to the cycle of life and remind him of the chance he and his pet had to share such good times.
When death is due to an accident or illness
Sometimes life does not leave us time to prepare for the loss of our lifelong companion. Your child will probably try to understand why. He will no doubt ask you many questions. The important thing is to answer him frankly, without going into details that could traumatize him. You will also have to reassure him and remind him that he has no responsibility for the death of his pet. If your child witnessed the animal's death, encourage them to talk about it and reassure them that they are not responsible.
When we choose euthanasia
This often difficult choice is dictated to us by the suffering suffered by our canine or feline companion. It can then be even more difficult for us to explain this choice to our children. However, it is necessary to explain to him the reasons: to put an end to the suffering of his sick friend. Reassure your child that the veterinarian's injection will stop the animal's heartbeat and that they will not feel any pain. Depending on his age, if your child wishes, he can accompany his friend on this last trip.
If the animal has no physical sequelae, and your child asks to see its body, you can show it to him. This confrontation with reality can help him understand that the latter will not return. However, this request must come from the child, he must not be forced if he does not want to.
How to accompany your child in the mourning of his pet?
To help your child grieve, set up a ritual to say goodbye to their playmate. This can be done while the animal is still alive or after its death. In any case, talking, listening, responding, and exchanging are the best attitudes to help your child through the time of mourning.
Talking and expressing emotions
After the announcement of his death, your child will undoubtedly feel multitudes of emotions and many questions will cross him. Fleeing, and evading the subject does not allow the child to "forget". Silence can even aggravate the signs of grief. His questions will often concern death and other subjects. Take the time to respond with simple words that he is able to understand.
Do not minimize his punishment, even if the missing person is a goldfish or a mouse. In his universe, the animal counts as much as you. Let him share these emotions with you if he is old enough to speak. If he has trouble letting the words escape, tell him how you feel about the loss of the animal that shared the life of the entire household. Avoid, as much as possible, showing too much of your own grief, as it can be unsettling for him to see you crying.
A farewell ritual to live together
Even if you have entrusted the ashes of your four-legged companion to a specialized company, it is possible to offer this last tribute to your faithful companion. You can organize a farewell ceremony where everyone will come to say a word in front of their photo about their personality. Evoking the memories that everyone shares is beneficial and allows you to put a few minutes of smiles on the faces by thinking about the antics of your pet. Like a garden of animal remembrance, propose to him to plant a shrub, a tree, or flowers, in memory of his lifelong friend. If you do not have a garden, reserve a small corner of the house where your child can come to pray or talk to him.
Offer your child activities that give them a sense of peace
Watch your child and see if drawing their pet, evoking their memory, or placing a picture of their friend on their bedside table or in your living room soothes them. Sometimes, words remain useless and tangible memories such as a photo, or a toy that belonged to the animal tranquilize and reassure the child. In any case, if he does not feel ready to play or discover new activities during the deep phase of grief, do not force him. Time must be given to time.
Books to better understand and understand each other
Sometimes we ourselves are not able to find the right words to help our child grieve with his pet. Children's books deal judiciously with the loss of a pet. They remain a great help to help your child understand the emotions that go through him. He will learn that it is normal to feel sad and angry or to cry. When the child is not yet reading, you will become the storyteller and will be able to choose the parts of stories you want to read and those you consider too complicated.
Reassure him when he cries
When his grief is too strong, and he cries hot tears, takes your child in your arms. The reassuring touch of your arms will prove to be the perfect cocoon. He will draw enough strength to express his fears and worries to you. However, remember to encourage his usual daily activities so that he remains active and can resume his life as a child.
Children's reactions to the loss of their pet
Depending on the bond between your child and his four-legged friend and his age, your child will exhibit different behaviors.
For children under 5 years old
Children under 5 years of age who understand the concept, but not its inevitability, they may seem indifferent. They don't cry. They miss their friend of hair or scales at the time of the game, and they remain convinced that the animal will return. It is therefore our role to explain to them simply what the cycle of life is. At this age, the child understands that a heart no longer beats and thinks that it is temporary.
After 5 years
Crying appears at this age in the face of the death of the animal, because the child is now able to associate the concept of death with its permanence. He knows that his companion will not return. Tears are necessary for mourning, they participate in the appeasement of his grief, even when the animal is a goldfish or a stick insect. Don't minimize their pain and reassure them that it's a normal, natural emotion.
After 8 years
The ever-present grief comes with many questions. Their questions and remarks are sometimes surprising, but our children know that death is irrevocable and needs to be reassured just as much. Answer them simply, without going into morbid details.
What about our teenagers?
Adolescence is a time when they are looking for themselves. Their emotions may then seem exaggerated. They may also not show any emotion. Often, they prefer to talk about their grief with their friends rather than with their parents.
In any case, when faced with the mourning of your child's pet, remain vigilant. A sadness that persists, insomnia, or academic difficulties should alert you. Therapy with a child specialist will help your child cope with grief. Finally, remember that each of your children is unique and they will react differently to the loss of their friend. It is, therefore, necessary to take the time to discuss it with everyone. Grief can last from a few weeks to more than a year, depending on the emotional maturity of the child, his bond with the animal, and his personal history.
At what age can the child attend the euthanasia of his animal? Should we really let him come if he asks for it?
Depending on your child's age, it's best to explain in simple terms that your dog or cat was in too much pain and that the vet gave them an injection to help them die. For a child under 5 years old, it will be advisable to reassure him by specifying that the animal does not suffer. After 5 years, you can explain what euthanasia is and why sometimes this choice is preferable. However, 5 years old, is also the age of the questions. You will also have to be ready to answer questions about the death of his companion and also about death in general.
It is considered that from the age of 7, the child is able to attend the euthanasia of the animal. However, if he wishes to be present, it will be necessary to explain to him in detail how this medical procedure will take place: the first injection serves to put the animal to sleep, then the second stop the physiological functions of his companion of always. The veterinarian will also have to explain to your child how his dog or cat's body will react and assure him that his friend will not suffer. However, make sure your child has the maturity to witness their friend's departure. Just because you're 7 years old, you're 7 years old. If you are concerned that the situation will be too difficult for your child, it is possible to let him say goodbye after the pet has been euthanized. In any case, do not force your child if he does not express the desire.
Finally, because you were also attached to your child's little companion, do not minimize your pain and take the time to grieve.
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